Yes, I am that guy. That’s right – the one who went missing in the Malaysian jungle for thirteen days with nothing but a small daypack. But there’s no need to talk about that here. I’m currently writing a book about my experience which will be published sometime in the not-too-distant future.
Everybody is crazy. It’s just that many people are too afraid to flaunt their true character. For far too long I supressed my insanity in order to conform to social expectations and futile self-consciousness. This space is intended to present much of my madness in an orderly and dignified manner. Please do treat my facetious ramblings with the most serious deliberation. And don’t forget to toast your marshmallows slowly over the coals – not in the flame. A perfectly cooked marshmallow should have a gooey texture internally, with a lightly toasted (oranged) outer shell of a slightly crunchy disposition. A burnt marshmallow is not an acceptable refreshment and should be outlawed (would somebody please establish the Appropriate Roasting of Marshmallows party, for goodness sake!).
Above: Dad in his element - the fact that I was raised by this man may explain a few things
In setting up this page I was faced with what I thought to be a practically impossible task: coming up with some definitive statement as to who I am. How exactly can one unequivocally describe a human being – the most preposterous jumble of absurdity on the whole Earth and possibly even the entire universe?
Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise. So said Lewis Carroll in his enduring classic, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. I have absolutely no idea what he means by this statement, but have a slight suspicion that it may contain some semblance of relevancy to my current line of thought. Then again, there's a fine line between wisdom and nonsense, and much of my time is spent teetering precariously between the two (although, more often than not, I tend towards the latter).
When I finally stopped dwelling on the words of Lewis Carroll, and turned my attention back to the serious task at hand, I had the ingenious idea of simply googling myself. As it so turns out, I happen to be a white man on a spiritual quest. Incidentally, I also found out that The Beatles never actually existed, the Earth is flat, Hitler is still alive, the Moon doesn’t exist and that some popular figure named Jay Z is a time-travelling vampire. All highly interesting stuff.
I suppose I could also tell you that I dabble in music, don’t mind landscape photography and have an outlandish penchant for adventure. In early August, I set off to embark upon a journey beginning somewhere in Asia heading in a generally westward direction for an indefinite period of time. After a fast and light expedition went a little awry in late October, my travels were suspended. But don’t worry, my streak of insanity did not desert me in the Malaysian jungle. I am still a highly irresponsible man with an unfinished journey to complete.